I recognize when my family and friends suffer from my anxiety because I get short with them.
There have been times in my life when I have had a more intense struggle with my anxiety (for example):
- When I was fully engaged in my eating disorder
- When I found out my husband was an addict
- When I saw that plane crash into a crowd of people
- When I think about the time I will meet Elder Holland
When my anxiety flares I go see my shrink. I breath and meditate and I do yoga. And then, I just keep going. I go along with life feeling a little on edge but assuming that everyone probably feels a little on edge, that's life right?
Well these last couple of months I have been dysfunctionally anxious... but in the last 3 weeks it's been too hard.
So I did the hard thing. I walked into my doctors office and started crying.
Right there.
In front of her.
She asked me how I was doing and I just started crying.
This is the first time that has happened at my doctors office. I told her about my life. I told her how hard it was for me to relax, take breaks. And after we talked she decided it was time to put me on some medication.
So, for the first time ever (excluding the one time I got a prescription but only tried the pills for a week because I freaked out) I am taking pills to help my anxiety.
If I'm not careful I start letting myself feel like a loser. I'll let a voice in my head tell me how weak I am for needing medication. If I'm not careful I shame myself for not being a better person.
But I'm careful.
(This is an example of how I respond when there is a knock at my door and I'm not expecting anyone)
***damn hell anxiety***
