I've Seen Both Sides of the Clouds

Mike took this on our flight {because he has to do everything}

In June my family and I went on our annual vacation to Newport Beach but this trip was very special and very unique.

I was able to spend time with some dear friends of mine.  We met in Reno at the Reno Air Races in 2011.  We met the year of the crash.  We met the year the Galloping Ghost plummeted into the box seating killing a dozen people and hurting so many more.  The thing about going through something like that is that those you go through it with are automatically connected to each other.  It is a strange phenomenon, but it is real.  I am very connected to those that were there that day, I am very connected to Mike and Kendle.

I have so things many to say about Mike and Kendle and the people they are, the flights they took my boys (including my hubby) on, the service they give, the kindness in their hearts, their amazing examples, etc... but today I want to write about my very own spiritual flight with Mike.

I have a crush on a man.  Don't worry, Jon is okay with it!  My crush isn't just any old man.  My crush is on a Stearman.  A beautiful convertible yellow bi-plane that has years of stories and experiences to share with the world... including mine.

Me and my "man" crush on the Stearman! 

Mike let me wear Kendle's flight suit because it was a little chilly outside.  It was cloudy when we took off, a heavy marine layer was present giving the impression of a gloomy sky.

Before take-off! 

As the wheels left the ground we waved to Jon and I watched him grow smaller and smaller as we flew higher and higher.  Our first destination... above those gloomy clouds.

Good-bye Jon!  This is me in the front taking off with Mike! 

It was like we had entered a completely different world where the sky was the perfect shade of blue and the sun was shining brightly.  The top of the clouds were brilliant white and puffy and soft.  This is where Mike introduced me to some backflips and dives and loops and spirals and twirls and twists!

The feeling of the air flying through my hair, the sun on my face, the weightlessness of my body is indescribable.  The beauty I was witnessing combined with the feelings I was having was moving.  It moved me.  My soul felt excitement and peace all at the same time.  I felt grateful to know God and to know of his unconditional love for me.  I felt grateful for such a rare opportunity to be flying in such a beautiful machine with such a great person and friend.  My feelings manifested in smiles and tears.

I didn't think anything could compare to what I was experiencing in that moment.

And then we started towards our next destination... below those bright puffy clouds.

Look at me! I'm flying in a convertible yellow plane! 

I was sad to say good-bye to the bright side and enter back into the gloomy weather.  I was listening to Mike point out different places; the Long Beach Harbor, Angel's Gate Lighthouse, the Queen Mary and Russian Submarine, my favorite place was when he showed me where he grew up!  The tour was beautiful and then Mike told me we were going out to the ocean to get close.

Getting close to the ocean was an understatement.  We were practically gliding on top of the ocean. In fact, I think we were gliding on top of the ocean.  It is a hard feeling to capture in words but we were only feet above the ocean and I noticed felt the powerful ocean grab the plane and as the swells rose, so did the plane and as the swells dipped, so did the plane.

It felt like music would feel, everything was in motion together, the ocean supported and respected the sky and the sky supported and respected the ocean.  And there I was, right in the middle of the harmony between the ocean and the sky feeling supported and respected.

I didn't think anything could compare to what I was experiencing in that moment.

And then Mike asked me to look over the left wing and he asked me to let him know if I noticed anything.  I looked over the left wing and I was so amazed at how close we were to the ocean, it was like I was riding on a fast sailboat and then I noticed something... it was fast but it was something.  I started to doubt myself thinking I imagined it but as soon as that doubt set in I saw it again, and again, and again!  I didn't say a verbal word to Mike through the intercom but he must have heard my screams over the roar of the Stearman, he must have noticed the excitement in my body.  "What do you see TC?" I calmed down and spoke back to him "DOLPHINS! I see DOLPHINS!!"  They were jumping along side of us!

Mike pulled up and flipped around and lined us up perpendicular to the ocean.  With our left wing pointed directly over the ocean and our right wing towards the heavens I looked down and saw hundreds upon hundreds upon hundreds of dolphins.  The water was so clear I could see everything they were doing.  I just watched in awe as Mike spiraled around and around those dolphins so that I could take it all in.  The dolphins were hunting and they were fast!  They were leaping in and out of the water.  One dolphin was teasing another by poking it with his nose!  It seemed like the dolphin being teased was annoyed!  I watched as a spiraling dolphin went from his gray back to his white stomach to his gray back over and over again spiraling like a torpedo!  I was so close to them and I found so much joy in watching them.

The feeling of the air and the ocean and watching such beautiful creatures jump and spin and play, is indescribable.  The beauty I was witnessing combined with the feelings I was having was moving.  It moved me.  My soul felt excitement and peace all at the same time.  I felt grateful to know God and to know of his unconditional love for me.  I felt grateful for such a rare opportunity to be flying in such a beautiful machine with such a great person and friend.  My feelings manifested in laughter and tears.

I didn't think anything could compare to what I was experiencing in that moment.

I know it's cliche but it really was heavenly and very spiritual.  I felt close to God.  I felt peace.  I felt seen and heard and important.

I will never forget this experience and I will forever be grateful to Mike and Kendle for taking me up there as a friend and as a member of The Reno Family that I have become a part of.  They did this for me as a gift, for no real reason but just to take me up and let me experience what they get to be a part of.

I have more love in my life than I know what to do with.

Jon, Tice, Kendle and Mike having dinner after my flight.
I was still on cloud nine... clearly!  

And now for the advertisement... YOU HAVE TO DO THIS!  If you have the opportunity to do this don't pass it up! My dad went too but, like I said earlier, I was writing about ME!!! We bought my dad a ride on this beauty for Father's Day and he LOVED IT!! The company is called BiPlane Fun and the people are Kendle and Mike (they are married {cute} and both are amazing pilots).  So if you are ever in the Newport Beach, LA, Long Beach area, book a reservation and thank me later!!!

Look!  There's Mike!
http://www.biplanefun.com/index.cfm/Home/

Vulnerability is Real

Oh this post.
I've been putting it off.
Because it is scary for me and it makes me feel vulnerable.
But it is time.
And I absolutely owe it to my amazing friend and photographer Lauren Perry with Perrywinkle Photography and my favorite makeup artist of all time Heather Shelton with Red Scarlett Makeup Artistry.  (Heather is a redhead, we will forever be friends!)

Everyone deserves to feel beautiful right?  I recently just wrote about my thoughts on this.

Well, this photo-shoot was designed to maybe let me share with you, on a smaller scale, what it takes for our favorite actresses to look the way they look on the big screens, and maybe a little bit of what it takes for those models to look the way they do on the front cover of those magazines that line the checkout lanes of our grocery stores.

As I said, compared to what goes into models and movie stars, this is a very small scale.  I asked Lauren if she wouldn't use photoshop to change my body because of personal feelings but, if I wanted her to, she absolutely could have.  She would have had so much fun making my arms tighter, my hair bigger, my bum higher, stomach flatter, but she didn't (most of the magazines we see do have these alterations).  And although I didn't want anything photoshopped I did experience the enjoyment of getting my makeup professionally done, which was not only relaxing but it was a BLAST!!!  I think every woman should experience this!  It took about 90 minutes for me to go from no makeup to "Cover Girl" material. Raise your hand if you have 90 minutes a day to put your makeup on... anyone?  I did my hair myself, which took about an hour, at which point Heather assisted in fluffing it up and making it just right for the photo-shoot.  So, the total of makeup and hair 2 hours and 30 minutes...

Then, once makeup and hair was all ready I put on my dress, heals, jewelry, belt, etc... and then I removed my heals and carried them because, well how practical are they in the life of a mother of 3?! With my makeup done and my hair fluffed up it was time to say good-bye to Heather and head off to meet the amazing and professional photographer, Lauren Perry.

Thank goodness I had my amazing friend Kristi Chapo with me because I couldn't have carried all the extra items for the photo-shoot alone!  I also wouldn't have been able to get through the shoot without Kristi's kind and supportive although at times sarcastic words!  She helped me every step of the way.

Finally we arrived at the beautiful location that Lauren had picked out for the occasion, my heals went back on and it was time to do something that I have never EVER done before... have my pictures professionally taken!

Luckily, for me, working with Lauren was a riot!  Lauren and I have a commonality between us so we were able to laugh a lot and talk a lot of crap to each other.  Lauren played softball at BYU and I played at the U of U so, as you can imagine, whenever she asked me to do something I found difficult (like being serious for some photos) Lauren would say something like, "yeah, that seems like the best a Ute can do."  At which point I would yell at her and beg her for a second chance telling her "I can do it you Cougar, let me do it again!"

Somehow I survived.  And let me tell you, I was nervous.  Lauren was so patient with me as I tried a dozen times the month before to cancel the photo-shoot out of fear and insecurity.  She talked me through it and told me it would be great... and she was right.

The pictures turned out... well, I don't know, you can fill in the correct word.

Trying to be serious almost KILLED me! 

Smiles and a lot of laughing in attempt to be serious!

My point is, this is a process, an all day long process.  From picking out the clothes and the location, to getting my makeup done and hair perfected.  And working with a professional photographer who knows how to work angles and light in just the exact way that makes me look my very best.  This isn't natural, this isn't even real.  Sure it's me and I had such an amazing time doing this, but the real me doesn't belong on the cover of a magazine, and to be honest, with what the world defines as "cover worthy", no one belongs on the cover of those magazines, because what the world tells us is acceptable and beautiful and normal... simply isn't.

Trying to use my beautiful skirt as a prop... this was harder than it looks!!!

For the first 30 minutes a creepy man watched the shoot from a distance! Lauren thought this was great and even waved at him... I got my taser out! 

Lauren asked me to spin once (like literally spin around) and after I did it she said "yeah, don't ever do that again!" Guess I NAILED IT!

The world lies to us.
The world tells us our value and worthiness are all about our size and physical beauty.
We know better.  Thank goodness we know better.

I loved this day WAY more than I ever thought I would.
But this isn't me, not natural me.
This is fun, happy, spoiled, serious (or attempting to be serious),done-up me, and I like this person.

But I like the real me more.

I don't know if you know this about me, but I very much like "real" in my life.

A special thanks again to:
Lauren Perry
Heather Shelton
Kristi Chapo
Milli Charles, Sadie Ekins, Sid & Tammy Jones, Jon Jolley & all the Jolley children, and my Grandma Gladys (who had to hear me moan and complain about how scared I was for weeks and weeks and weeks!)

My Purple Week 2014

Over the last few weeks I find myself in a strange place.  

I shared my eating disorder story.  I liked sharing my story.  It felt scary and vulnerable and intimidating but it also felt honest and freeing and it felt... right.  

Even more then sharing my story and crossing my fingers in hopes that some forced family members and a few friends would read it, I went a little further and asked begged these people to wear PURPLE in honor of eating disorder awareness week.  And, even more than sharing my story and asking begging those few readers to wear PURPLE I went a little further and got all crazy bold (and maybe a little cocky) and asked begged those family members and friends to wear PURPLE AND actually send me a photo of themselves sporting their PURPLE… what nerve!

After sending off my story and my request I sat back and realized that what I just did was risky.  I was setting myself up for possible disappointment.  I was setting myself up for hurt and pain after offering up something so vulnerable and sensitive and personal.  What if NO ONE participates?  What if people are put off?  Ugh!  My stomach tightened in knots anticipating the embarrassment.  

So friends, here is where I find myself in a strange place.  I am OVERWHELMED.  Simply and humbly and emotionally overwhelmed.  The love and support that I have felt these last couple of weeks has been indescribable.  And because it is indescribable I won't try to describe it to you.  I have started and stopped this post over and over again in a weak attempt to capture the right words and I just can't come up with anything worthy of how full my heart feels.  

Rather than stumbling over my words, which I do all to often, I will just share this beautiful video of so many beautiful people.  

It's pretty incredible.

You are pretty incredible.

My Purple Week 2014… Click  HERE
And try HERE if you are using a mobile device or a iPad! 

***If you are still reading and wanna do me a favor, try to leave a comment.  My parents and some friends mentioned that they were unable to… but they aren't the most tech savvy!***  

The Realness of Reno 2011

We were having a great time on Friday, September 16th, 2011

Our red coolers show how close we were to where the P-51 Mustang made contact with the Earth.

We all felt so lucky and blessed by the minor injuries we experienced.

I will always be connected with those who experienced this with me.

 

Camping in the Backyard

So much to blog about so I'm going to play catch up in random order...

Here it is, our family's first official camp out, and where did we do it you ask? In the comfort of our back yard! We borrowed Uncle Ryan and Aunt Jen's tent set it up, made smores with great friends, played guitar around the camp fire, told scary stories and just in time Anabelle and I crawled in our comfy beds while the boys roughed it out in the backyard... by the way, I HATE camping so this may be the closest I get to the "real deal".

Here's a ton of pictures of our festive camping night!...

Is it bad that I'm really impressed that Jon put this thing up? Maybe I'm too easily impressed... maybe not?!

Anabelle HATED being in the tent, I think she's claustrophobic just like her mama!

Rockin' out with Brayden to Dixie Chicks music... it's all I know, I'm a slow teacher/learner!

We got the fire started... again, I'm impressed with my boy scout!!

Jack's marshmallows looked like this all night, he just didn't quite get it down... slow and steady Jack!

Fun with the Chapo Family... we LOVE hangin' with these guys!

This is how my boys camp... they have to wrestle for about 45 minutes, then scary stories, then...

SLEEP!!! Nite boys.

Bella and I were back for breakfast!!!

All in a days work! And yes, this was the day Jack got in the "accident"!!! Just think, we almost canceled because we were so angry!!!

My Team... the Cards!

I finally have a football team

I've never been committed to a football team before but I finally have my team...

GO CARDINALS!

And because I'm so competitive I've claimed that the Cardinals are my kids' team as well! I had to get the family all Cardinal-ed out and ready for the big game... even Jon dressed accordingly (even though he insisted on wearing his dolphin attire underneath).

Although they weren't able to bring home the Superbowl trophy, I'm still really proud of them, and did you see that game? It was unbelievable! Next year we'll be back... and hopefully we'll be playing the dolphins... that may just cause a divorce in the Jolley family!!