The Testimony of Jack Jolley

Oh my heck… JACK JOLLEY is his own person!  This kid never does average… he can't!

So, yesterday was Fast Sunday for our ward because the Gilbert Temple Dedication is next Sunday (yes I am excited and no I can't wait).  So Jack decides that he wants to share his testimony for the first time at the podium in front of our LARGE ward.

To make sure he felt confident he went over his testimony with Jon.  Then he came over to me where he went over it again, just to make sure.  I listened, then I informed him that his zipper was down, after he fixed that minor problem he was ready…

Jack approached the stand.  There were a few people who had been sitting up in the front waiting for their turn but as soon as Jack heard the current speaker say "amen" he popped up skipping the line, that he was the END of, completely.  I'm sure the person who was next up in line was thinking… "okay? I guess YOU are next little boy".

Jack did great.  He basically said…

"I'd like to bear my testimony, I believe the church is true.
I believe temples are true because I went through 'it' twice and felt great."

Then, as confident as a professional speaker, Jack walked away.

BOOM

Take that everyone… that is MY testimony and I KILLED it.

Until… he realized he missed something.

Jack's confident walk turned into a shuffle.  He looked at me as he was passing the chair that our bishop was sitting in.  I knew what he was thinking so I mouthed "in the name…" that's all it took for this kid to SPIN around and re-approach the microphone.  Now, please visualize this with me, the man who was after Jack (who was actually before Jack but Jack cut in front of him) was also approaching the microphone AND, on top of that, the microphone was being automatically adjusted to the height of this man… so, it was moving up.  Jack quickly approached the mic and, as the mic was still moving upward, he shouted… "in the name of Jesus Christ Amen".

I have no more words.
I about died.
I am still trying to compose myself 24 hours later.

(this picture was of the moment I walked through the door after being at Remuda Ranch for 75 days)

"I Had No Idea…"

If you know who I am then you already know that this week is 'Eating Disorder Awareness Week' and that Wednesday is 'Wear Purple Wednesday'.  The theme for the 2014 EDAW is "I had no idea…" I have shared this information probably too much so sorry for the overload (can there ever really be too much good stuff?)!

I hate that I can relate to all this stuff.  I hate that I know the feelings of pain, confusion, hurt, heartache, insecurity, sadness, fear, anxiety, hopelessness, unworthiness, and all the other feelings that are tied up in an eating disorder.  I hate that I can relate.  Even more than that, I hate that my family can relate to the helplessness of loving someone with an eating disorder.

It's really hard for me to go to this place sometimes.  This place, this reality can sometimes come attached to shame.

I won't let myself go to shame…  I can't.
So, I find a way to acknowledge what is real and let it buoy me up.

I also won't let myself ignore the reality of what my family has gone through… I can't.
So, I have found a way to get the hell out of that acknowlegement when it starts dragging me down.

There is a very fine line between the two, but I'm a fighter, I want this "weak" thing to become my "strength"… so, here I go.  Or here I TRY to go…

If you are struggling with an eating disorder I really want you to know that…

YOU ARE NOT ALONE

I am here and I know hundreds of others that are here for you too.  I realize that every eating disorder is different.  And although I have never walked in your exact shoes, I promise that our pain feels the same, even though it probably comes from different places, it FEELS the same, and I can relate.  Let me be here for you, or let someone be there for you.  You don't have to be alone.  Email me (leticejolley@gmail.com), call me, text me… whatever, just don't do this alone.

If you are somebody who loves someone with an eating disorder I want you to know that,

YOU ARE NOT ALONE either

I am here for you too.  If you want to be more aware or are looking for information click here.  If you have any questions or concerns I AM HERE.  I know what is feels like to be at the mercy of someone else's bad choices.  I promise, if I don't know how to help you or if I don't know the answers to your questions, I will tell you, and then I will help you find what you are searching for.  Either way, I will be here to support you.

In the meantime, how about ALL of you wear PURPLE this Wednesday.  Support those you love who struggle and WEAR PURPLE.  Show those you love that you are working on recovery and WEAR PURPLE.  Have hope and WEAR PURPLE.  I have lost one too many friends and known one to many wonderful woman who have lost their lives to this disease.  It is real.  You are not alone.

Did you know that eating disorders are more common than green eyes?
Did you know that eating disorders are the most fatal of ALL mental health issues?

I will be wearing purple all week.  Check out some of my most amazing supporters.

Jon Jolley (the hubs)

Jack Jolley (the middle child)

Brayden Jolley (the oldest)

Anabelle Jolley (the baby)

I'm pretty lucky.

Stay tuned, tomorrow "my story" will be published on an amazing blog that offers hope and healing.  I will keep you posted. 

Hot Topics

Two hot topics at the Jolley home.  Two things that all members of my family are happy and proud to promote.

NUMBER ONE:  Go to The Gilbert Temple
NUMBER TWO:  Don't EVER go to SeaWorld

So… to sum up.  

GO GO GO GO to the TEMPLE

DON'T GO DON'T GO DON'T GO to SeaWorld

"Blackfish" - Tilikum

Free the Dolphins

"The Cove"

Whom I Am Well Pleased.

Brayden at The Gilbert Temple Ground Breaking Dedication - November 2010

Sometimes I want to run away and hide from my children.  Sometimes I truly believe that their ears don't work.  Sometimes I fear for my life (and theirs) when I think about their teenage years.  Sometimes I think they just don't get it.  Sometimes I worry for their future spouses when I find myself repeating things 10 times a day… and then I realize that I have been repeating those same 10 things a day for the last 7 years.  

And then, there are days when I am so proud of them I feel like I may burst.  Today was one of those days… or more accurately, today I had a moment when I was so proud of my oldest that I couldn't stop smiling.

Brayden's 5th grade teacher emailed me today… here's what she said:

Mrs. Jolley,

I was just saying to my husband that I needed to email you. Brayden said you have a bunch of tickets to your temple. My husband and I want to try it but they only have day time tickets during the week available. If you happen to have any extra tickets we would love to buy some from you. :) Let me know when you have time. 

Thank you,
Mrs. ******

Isn't it kinda cool that Brayden talked to his TEACHER about the Gilbert Temple open house?  Isn't it awesome that he is so excited about something so wonderful?  Isn't it so great that his teacher spent the time getting online to see if she could get some tickets?  Isn't it so fantastic that I have hoarded so many tickets that we have the opportunity to give them to our curious friends?  

I emailed his teacher back and gave her some of our tickets… and don't worry, I let her know they were free!  

Our family is really proud of this temple.  Like we built it or something.  We feel like it's our baby.  It seems like our baby.  We have watched it grow every step of the way.  It has been an overwhelmingly special experience.

 Our Family at the Gilbert Temple Ground Breaking Dedication - November 2010

 Frame of the Gilbert Temple

Angel Moroni is added to the top!

Another Jolley Family routine visit to "our" temple. 

"Our" temple is ready.  The open house is this Saturday.  Look at how beautiful it is.

Bella's Baby Tooth

Thanks to my sisters blog I was reminded to post about a milestone that we reached here at our home.  Bella lost her first tooth (and her second 3 days later but I'm pretending it's just the one… I'm ashamed for missing the big one)!  Bella finally lost that tooth on Christmas Eve but I was convinced she would lose it 5 then 4 then 3 then 2 days before she actually did as it was literally hanging by one single thread.  I am surprised she didn't swallow it in her sleep… her "big kid" tooth was practically half way in while her baby tooth held on for life!  Contrary to my sisters thought that Santa Clause and the Tooth-Fairy may hook up if they bumped into each other on Christmas Eve night, they didn't… they were too tired with too much work to do.

So… my baby, my last child, has lost her tooth.

I am sad.

Photo Credit Milli Jones Charles

She is happy.

What is happening here?  

Thank You for Making it Easy to Be… Me!

I just want to say THANK YOU!  I received an enormous amount of support after posting "So… I worry".  I was sent supporting private messages, I received lots of love through FaceBook, I got teary reading through some personal experiences on my email, I enjoyed the comments I read on this blog, etc...  I just want to say that I am learning that it's not always the easiest thing in the world to "be real" but sometimes if one person dares to take a chance, they realize that others are just dying to open up about worries and fear and hardships.

Here's where the THANK YOU comes in.  I dare to be real because I have loving people in my life that support me and appreciate me… shit and all.  Yeah, I said shit… I say it in my real life sometimes too… and you STILL love me (see what I did there?)!!!

I tend to be attracted to people who are real.  People who don't pretend to be something that they aren't. People who are willing to share their flaws because they openly share their hope and their strive to work on those flaws.  I don't want to be around perfect people, mostly because perfect people don't exist, they are just pretending.  The only perfect person was the Savior, and I'm absolutely sure I would enjoy being around him.  He would love me even if I swore.  He DOES love me and I DO swear!

{{Speaking of swearing, my dad once told me that swearing will be the last "thing" (meaning sin) that he will give up.  He tells me if he were to stop swearing now he would be exalted (meaning elevated into heaven for reaching perfection).  He tells me that whenever he feels his feet leaving the ground he quickly throws out a swear word… because he knows we can't live without him… his words not mine!}}

My dad showing his real colors… he's pretty cool! 

So back to what I was saying. 

What was I saying again?

I don't remember.  Oh wait, I just wanted to say THANK YOU.  I wanted to remind you that if you ever need anything, I am here -- to listen, to talk, to shop, to eat, to cry and I promise I won't judge (I can't, I'm not as close to perfection as my dad is so…) I don't judge but I promise I'm safe, and I promise… 

I am here.  

Because you have been here for me.  

{{And, with all this said, I will tell you, I still have things that I am not ready to throw out there, on this public blog, with my real name and the name of my family members… so I may be a hypocrite, but maybe one day I'll get there, and maybe not… because some things are personal, and some things are not mine to share.}} 

Merry Christmas 2013

With Love,
     The Jolley's